Retail Idioms

“Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.”

Ms. Jones might pull out this Joe Friday line when she’s furniture shopping. Even if she falls head over heels in love with a sexy chaise or a beautiful bedroom, she’s going to have to justify her financial investment with some cold, hard facts.

Look at the following areas where Ms. Jones might find information about furniture. Rate them for accuracy, and then rate them for influence:

1.       A recommendation from a friend

2.       The internet

3.       A store visit

Now rate your store in these same areas. Have you irritated your customer base to the point that your name is dragged through the mud more often than it’s recommended? Do you have a website? Is it fresh and relevant? Do you have tear-offs in the store that she can take home with her? Does your entire staff know your policies? Are your designers well trained? Be honest!

Once Ms. Jones is in the information gathering stage, she has already decided that she’s going to buy furniture. The only question is, from whom?

How do you ensure that it’s from you?

THE NEW YORK TIMES, SEPTEMBER 8, 1895 – Mrs. Clara McArthur of 167 [sic] East One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Street, the young woman who attempted to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge ten days ago, but was prevented from doing so by the police, dropped off quietly in the darkness at 3:30 o’clock yesterday morning, and she is now in the Hudson Street Hospital, a prisoner, charged with attempted suicide. Although when she was picked up she was unconscious, she had apparently entirely recovered from the effects of her daring feat by 7 o’clock A.M.

The latest bridge jumper seems to have been moved to the feat not so much by desire for notoriety as by her wish to earn a living for her husband who is a railroad man out of work, and her five year old child. The man has been without work for some time, and the family has been living in poverty. Mrs. McArthur had been told how easily she could earn $100 a week by jumping from the bridge, and afterward appearing in a dime museum.

Mrs. McArthur was driven to the bridge in a furniture van…

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I swear, I did not make that last part up.

Clara survived, but I was unable to find out if she made her fortune and saved her family by appearing at dime museums like Barnum’s and Ripley’s. I hope she did.

I hope you do, too. Sometimes you have to get a little crazy to get ahead.

THE NEW YORK TIMES, AUGUST 31, 1895 – Mrs. Clara McArthur of 162 East One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Street attempted to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge at 5:30 o’clock yesterday morning, but was prevented by the bridge policemen…

“I made up my mind long ago to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. My husband read to me from a newspaper last Winter about someone who made the leap. I said, ‘Why, that is nothing at all, I can do that myself.’

“I went down this morning, fully intending to jump. I was not the least bit nervous. My husband has done all the fretting. In fact, he is about worn out with anxiety. I put on, before leaving home, a suit of yellow and black tights and over them a close-fitting dress that I was going to leave in the carriage. I had my shoes weighted with sand. I cannot swim but there was no danger of my drowning, because I wore a new kind of life preserver that has little balloons that fit under the arms. I had around my neck a little silk American flag. I was going to hold my hands high above my head and just step off.”

Mrs. McArthur is rather tall. She has dark eyes and hair. She speaks intelligently except on the subject of bridge-jumping.

“It was not my fault.” Mr. McArthur said. “My wife has a talent for bridge-jumping. She has not had any actual experience, but she has the right idea.”

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Draped in good intentions and the American flag, Mrs. McArthur had a good plan for a bad idea. It was a perfectly executed disaster.

Can you relate?

Your priorities are what you do PRIOR to everything else. We spend a lot of time evaluating our priorities this time of year, making promises to lose 20 pounds and call our parents more often. Most people would say that their priority is family, or their spiritual life, or their job or health. You probably know someone who claims “family” is their number one priority, yet they spend 60 hours at work or six hours each night in front of the television or computer.

What is the priority at your company? Let me guess: customer service. You could make a nice slogan out of that, maybe even put it on a sign at the cash register.

Now, let’s put it to the test. Priorities are easily measured. All you need is a clock and a pen.

How long does your customer wander through the store before she’s greeted?

How long does she have to wait for an answer to a problem?

How much time is spent figuring out ways to make her happier?

How much time is spent complaining about her behind closed doors?

Ouch! That one hurts!

Does what you say match up with what you do?

In 2008, I was personally guilty of saying one thing and doing quite another. This year I resolve to be honest about my priorities and get that clock out every once in a while to test myself.